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I was actually thinking it could be fun until that point, but now I’m wondering if they have ever even met me and actually get who I am. The guy responsible for apostrophes clearly has other issues as well.

The one liner is that classical comedic joke that is delivered in a single line.

Many comedians use funny one liners as apart of their act, and believe it or not it’s not that easy to master. You’re either on a roll or you’re taking sh*t from some as*hole. Ain’t it funny how the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind your car. I’ll change my Facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this. You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera. Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn’t tried wiping their but with an IPad.

Make sure to give these funny one liners a share on Facebook before you go!

Maybe if we all emailed the constitution to each other, the NSA will finally read it. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? If you liked these then you should check out the unexpected twist this dude got when he needed Amazon chat support.

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🎉🎉Oneliners is just an awesome sub IMO, and you guys just help it be the best it can be.

I wish you would eat some makeup so that you’re pretty on the inside too! I farted in the Apple store and everyone yelled at me. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it? Boobs are just proof that men can focus on two things at once. Just once I'd like to read a medicine bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness" Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.

If only God can judge us, then Santa has some explaining to do. He's an Italian plumber, created by Japanese people, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican. Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments. In about 20 years, the hardest thing our kids will have to do is find a username that isn't taken. Why do medications never have any good side effects?

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