Dating sober man
“My boyfriend now — who is not in the program — doesn't see me as an addict.He sees me as a smart, fun, sexy, loving mom who doesn't drink and who has changed her life. It's also awesome to have a reprieve from the world of AA, which, quite honestly, can be a fucking bore.”And, the cons of dating people who aren’t sober? And, the differences in lifestyle that don’t feel huge in the beginning of a relationship can begin to take a toll down the line.During her sobriety, Sam’s had two relationships with fellow sober addicts, but both ended because of their relapses. Dating a fellow addict can feel a bit like betting with the odds against you.Hannah, a designer with startling blue eyes, is currently in a healthy relationship with a guy who’s been sober for almost 12 years. “Sober guys who are working a program [following the steps recommended by AA and NA] are the greatest.One guy told Hannah point blank, “I love fucking you, but you're a transitional girl — not exactly marriage material.”There are no hard and fast rules.When two people in recovery date, they have a lot in common: the same AA meetings, the same friends, the same problems.During the past two decades, I’ve dated both men in recovery and men who weren’t alcoholics (called “normies” by us in the program).I’m currently single again, a sober divorcée in the strange world of online dating. How do you allude to your past (and present) situations without lying or scaring off a potential match?
It's nice to have a sober partner to keep me accountable.” There are also some guys who don’t view women in recovery as long-term partners.
Sam continues, “Dating in the program is obviously nice, because you speak the same language and you don't have to hide your ugly past.
However, the chance of that person relapsing can also be very high.” And, she would know.
The old “I’ve wrestled with my demons and won” line? How about a simple, “I’m a pretty hot colossal f**k up”?
It’s always a little awkward when a potential date wants to “meet you for a drink.” Telling them you’re sober feels like confessing to some horrible chronic STD.