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We’d reached the part of the conversation that couldn’t be laughed away with snapped fingers, shade, or double entendre, having exhausted current events, pop-culture gossip, and mutual friends’ successes and failures.It was the tail end of our weekly meetings, right before we parted, that was usually reserved for our own painful embarrassments and heartbreak, deliberately planned to ensure a quick getaway.“And I’m tired,” he sighed, finally.It crossed my mind for an instant to introduce Darren to Carlos –why not? But no matter how lonely they were, or how much they felt victimized by the dating scene and a desire to find a real person like themselves, knowing them both, I knew a relationship between them would probably never work.2Part of the reason why relationships, gay or straight, are so difficult, and why the failure to find one is so shame-inducing, is that there is a cultural assumption that we know how to have them.There aren’t any courses in our primary education that teach us how to have healthy relationships, and proper sex education, on the occasions when it’s offered, doesn’t get the job done.During the honeymoon phase, however, we are on our best behavior and we definitely aren’t in touch with any of the psychological pain that usually comes up for us in intimate relationships.Our personal horror stories are locked safely in the crypt where we feel they belong.“Maybe I should just face the fact that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.”I reassured him that he was wrong, and the conversation brightened as we paid the check and changed the subject.

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A year later, the shirt’s at the back of the closet, the shoes are worn, and there is something new to be desired.

The get-togethers with friends where you are the only single man there.

The online dating services, the workshops, singles parties and paid gatherings where Carlos told me he felt like cattle at an auction as he stood up, held a number in front of him, and announced his whole life to the group in less than five minutes and why he was loveable (but couldn’t get a date on his own).“Sometimes, I just want to give up on the whole fucking thing,” he said.

Knowing how male spermatozoa swim upstream in search of female ova doesn’t tell you how long to wait for someone to call after a first date or whether you should wait at all.

It doesn’t suggest how many times to forgive a partner who cheats, what to do if your partner hits you or verbally abuses you, or when to move in together, and if possible, get married, and when, if necessary, to pack your bags and leave.

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