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I told him if I sexted anymore, I would have to take seven dips in the Ganges. By the time I got the fourth one, all my squeamishness had left the room, or rather, the train. I’ve matched and immediately unmatched with some for very valid reasons, like when they say ‘Hai’ instead of ‘Hi’. That, combined with the fact that I was slightly tipsy and alone in another country, made that sexting session a good one.I was on an overnight train when a British bloke I matched with started sexting me. He looked like a dream and only talked about banging this exotic chick (me) in various cities around Europe. Then he added a picture of his phallus, turned the setting to private, and sent me the link. Some I’ve unmatched after a week of deep conversations that went: Hi how are you have a great day. I couldn’t bring myself to go beyond ‘hmmm’ and ‘oooh’, but what he wrote was so much better than a novel.We met several times after that, and we still meet: the connection has grown stronger.There is no commitment but just good vibes, and of course, great sex. Because he doesn’t want a stranger to make decisions for him.”I got this joke from the girl bestie recently and we both guffawed. Followed by, ‘One of the most difficult questions I have had to answer is: does it turn you on? And how dumb men must be to think a picture of their thing would turn on women (not discounting the fact that in the flesh it totally can). I said mine was ‘Aah’, which my auto correct thinks is my friend Aashna.I had several conversations with many men, but none clicked.Then one day, I happened to meet someone very interesting. Then five months ago, a colleague introduced me to Tinder, and I logged on.
This was a penis I was talking about, something that used to be eww for me, especially that of a random man. After all this, I must confess: I’ve never seen a Tinder dick in the flesh. Some of them had turned black around the edges, and yet there was nothing off about them. ‘You have naked woman on your terrace,’ I remember telling him, looking at the gorgeous futuristic paintings.‘I like naked women on my terrace,’ he said, and kissed me. Before he left India he asked me to fly over to his city for a ‘24 hour sex marathon and a weekend of erotic hedonism’. Normal chats got awkward after that and I had to let him go.
After the regular set of questions, he asked:‘What would you like to see in Vienna?
’‘Gustav Klimt’s , I have loved it from the time I was 17.’‘Did you know he lived in our neighbourhood? I was elated to be living in the same neighbourhood as my hero.
Like my friend Aashna says, ‘No Tinder dick picks could serenade thy vagina.’ ***There’s a beautiful boy I matched with. Maybe if the flights weren’t so expensive, I just might have. Or the guy who almost fell in love with me after just one week of chatting. I had to let him go, but since he was this sensitive-tragic-poet-emowriter type, I had to let him go very gently. thing will keep floating in front of his face whenever I look at him.
His bio said he played the violin, was a Karate black belt, and a meditation junkie. When we got talking, he suggested we go to the best biryani place in town. We then decided to go to an art gallery and look at Raja Ravi Verma paintings. We went to the park nearby and talked and talked until one of us suggested we eat, and we went to a shady erstwhile dance bar. And then there is this has-been actor guy who spammed me with pictures of his days as a ‘hero’ in the 90s, his wildlife photographs (deer and an elephant), his sky-scapes (edited sunsets), and then suddenly sneaked in his dick pic! But since he has a longwinded Rajinikanth connection, my very first dick pic was at least one that was famous by association. That didn’t sound right.) I still keep him though, mainly for the lulz I get when he goes off on one of his actor/man/manactor ego trips. *shudder*Some of them made it to actual real life flesh-and-blood dates. During my first few days in Vienna, my Russian flatmate said, ‘You MUST have a European lover’ — and pushed me to try Tinder.